Remorse

The feeling was profound. And it occurred all the more often. He wondered why? 

What made him have this feeling of remorse? What made him have all these all these guilt pangs? Why did a sense of deep regret take over his humble mind? 

Why did he always repent what he did? Or what he did not do? Was he doing something wrong? And was he doing this always? 

Or was he doing something right? Or "the near right" thing? If that was the case, then how did he ended up having these remorseful thoughts? 

Was it because what he thought was right was perceived as wrong by others? Was it because what he thought a positive action by himself considered as a negative reaction by someone else?

Such thoughts of repent commonly engulfed his mind. Such thoughts of regret made his thoughts hazy. It was as if the devil possessed his mind in such situations.

He always wondered whether atonement was an option. But atonement is for sins. Were the little foolish acts he committed which yielded these thoughts of regrets be considered as sins? 

He wondered aloud. He thought about it again and again. The answer wasn't forthcoming.

Some people felt remorseful when they over ate when they shouldn't have done so. Some people felt rueful when they over spent when they shouldn't have done so. He considered such remorse as "materialistic" remorse.

Some other people had an contrite feeling for the crimes they had committed. This was "criminal" remorse.

He wondered what was his case. He felt guilty when he was selfish. He felt guilty when he was unreasonable. He felt remorseful when he thought he was irrational. He felt rueful when when he thought he was unjust. 

How come he had such feelings of contrariety? Why did he think so much after acting? Why couldn't he be in control before acting?

He held his head in his hands. And just lost himself further.